I SURVIVED ST. LOUIS

St. Louis was probably one of my favorite vacations ever withOUT kids! :) St. Louis doesn't have coffee syrup to go in their milk and they've never even heard of linguica. They are absolutely fascinated by the Boston area accent and it just made our 4 day weekend all that much more fun! It actually made me feel like a sort of celebrity to all Mandy's friends. The parade was great, Hooters was fun and we went up in the #8 time capsule *wink* to the top of the Arch- which was a smashin' good time! LOL!

I had so much fun and am already planning a trip back sometime this year for the party bus, which happens on Halloween and Mandy's bday and sometimes on St. Patty's Day- not this year. Unfortunately it won't be in June for StL Mandy's and Kdawgs bday (a day after one another) as intended because *drumroll* that is our tentative move-in weekend.

I am 53 days away from being the proud owner of my own home. Yup, all by myself I have managed to keep my financial status in order enough to buy my own home. When I lay in bed at night and really start to put the pieces of my life today together with this house and all, it has made me not only proud of my accomplishments but also a little bitter sweet. I think of what my ex the terd gave away, and how even though parts of our life were miserable together, parts of our time together the most memorable I've ever had on this journey called life. Oh, how that hurts.

I know I'm stronger because of all of it, even going back him OR to Kdawg's father before him...however I feel sometimes a bit beat down. I feel like now that I have everything I've worked so hard for there is only one thing missing- and that's a good man to share it all with. Although I KNOW my ex the terd is not the one nor do I WANT him to be the one to share that in any way shape or form, the whole thing still makes me think about how happy I was coming home every day to a housefull of people/kids (his and/or my own) and cooking dinner and all the things we hate so much at the end of the day. There's still something about that comfort that I miss.

But imma go at it alone and I'm gonna suck in every minute of it. I know with any luck someday I'll be complaining about my significant other in the same ways I used to gripe about not having a break from everyday life when there was always someone waiting for me at home. Until then I am enjoying being able to pack up and go wherever I want at any time without having to answer to anyone, laying on the couch with a good book and a cup of tea with dead silence in the room, even if I still have to cut my own lawn and take out the garbage.