Hells Bells

NOTHING IS MISSING

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 01:37:00 +0000

Wow. Where has the time gone? Where to begin...a quick flashback: First I was sick in the hospital, closed on my house, spent a month working on it while packing, moved, unpacked, and I'm ALMOST settled in my new place. I have so much to share. Here are a few pics...I'll spare you the grim before pics!

Here is Kdawg's room- although it's a lot brighter in the pic. I love the color and she's adding things to the wall that tone it down a bit. She loves it, that's all that matters.

This is the living room DURING renovation, of course as you can see it has no rug yet. It looks a gazillion times better now! And it's HUGE!! I love the fireplace. Can't wait...oh, nevermind. I love summer! ; )

My bedroom, my sanctuary. The color is called Solitude. I am VERY happy (the best in the house) with the way this color came out! I love laying in my bed...wait, I always loved my bed!

This is my 2nd favorite room in the house, the kitchen. I LOVE to cook and I love that peapod delivers! Tonight I made *the* best Chicken Alfredo pasta on the planet, my sauce from scratch. (not kidding)

There really are no after pics. I mean, I spent a ton of time (along with help from my Dad and Godfather) peeling, painting, hammering, welding baseboard pipes, etc. that after I got in and spent 2 1/2 weeks unpacking, I did not want to hang a single thing on the wall. THEN, when I tried, I realized it was concrete plaster and I wasn't getting a 12 inch drill thru them there walls. My father has come by and managed to get me a clock and ONE pic up in my living room! I told him since he worked so hard he could have a few months off. ;)

I am now waiting for my homeowner's credit (high five, Obama!) to come in from the IRS so I can put a driveway and some stockade up. This way my dog can run around the yard liesurely. Right now we tie her to a cable and as soon as we are out of sight she squeals like a bitch! She needs to run! I am in love with my house...

Right around the time I got sick, I got a friend request from an old friend from school. I've known him since 7th grade, and if I had to describe him off the top of my head I'd say (back then) caring, compassionate, never had a girlfriend that I knew of, just goes with the flow, happy go lucky, always hugging the girls like they were sisters and he truly cared about his friends and is close to his family as well. I can't say he's changed much. He's still very geniune, caring and thoughtful. He's compassionate and friendly and happy and fun and funny....well, you get it. I can't get enough of him...he's mine!

I think I'll keep him! Kdawg said I should, too. In fact, I asked what she thought and she said, "he seems really nice, you should give him a chance." And she hasn't stopped asking about him since.

I spent two weeks in a row for Kdawg's bday. Long story, don't ask...but I'll tell you. Basically all her friends couldn't come one weekend (2 sisters-the ones she REALLY wanted to make it) to six flags and we had tickets for 14.99 each that day. So we took 3 of her friends and I and his friend and my brothers both went with their wives and my nephew. Everyone got in on 3 of our season passes with 14.99 coupons from the season pass book. THEN the following weekend (see photos) she had a sleepover with the 2 sisters and another girl and the 2 sisters ended up going to the july 4 speedway demo derby with us, my sweetheart and my bro and sil. TONS of fun!!

After those two weekends we went to Albany to stay with the best of his friends, one ANOTHER guy I graduted high school with I hadn't seen in 17 (almost) years! It was SO nice to kick back and relax after the two weekends I'd had of chaos and tweeny girls. I got to meet all the important people in his life and I love them all. We had tons of fun and I learned the game of disc golf. Hell, I not only learned, I won...and I'm hooked. Here's a few pics from Albany.

I am totally falling...and I don't mind a bit!

MOVING DAY

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 19:52:00 +0000

I am moving this weekend and things have been/will be hectic for awhile. I will be lucky to find anything...oh, and where did I pack Kdawg's replacement ears? Cuz the ones she's got ain't worken!

Anyhow, I've met just about all of my neighbors except one behind my house. Last night the fireman across the street came over and chatted with me for about an hour. He was awfully nice. He's quite cute and very single, too. He works for the town and knows my dad somewhat- just different departments. He came thru and saw the house, had helped family clean out the house before I moved in. I guess he said he was related. Anyhow, he has an identical twin brother, like my Dad...so keep him AWAY from me! LOL

I have put in an amendment for my $8,000.00 homebuyers credit with the IRS. I hope to get that within the next 2 months or so. I finally got paid from work today the two weeks they owed me for when I was out sick. What a pain that was. So, with it I have to pay off my appliances that were delivered this week. All gone.

Yesterday I took the day off to pack. I didn't get much done cuz I had to wait for the appliances then had a bunch of running around to do, so today I took 1/2 day. The rugs were installed today and they look prrrrty! Better have for a grand. I've gotten a lot done today, but if I sit too long I'm screwed. I have a few before and after pics for you but I'm not ready to share yet, cuz it's only partially "after". Once I get them all together and my internet is back up, I will sort thru them and find some good ones to post. The house is beautiful and I am so grateful!

Until next week folks, I'll be internet and t.v.-less! Thank God I have enough to do to keep me occupied!!!

Cheers!

"IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME"

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Thu, 14 May 2009 22:15:00 +0000

Moving sucks, but I'm trying to see the big picture! It's MY OWN home. I am excited to get it all over with, but I know UNpacking is misery! *sigh* It just seems that I pack for what seems like forever and there is just STILL so much stuff that I haven't touched. There is so much more room in the new house, cellar and attic space and a bigger living space, my living room is gi-NORM-ous! However it's still a great time to re/freecycle. I am passing on 3 big bags of clothes and a bedding set of my daughters. Since she has a new bedroom set waiting and it's full size, she will no longer need the twin sheets or bedding she has, so I'm passing them along, too. I have an entire bedroom set, size twin, including a dresser and bureau in wonderful condition for a little girls (or boys) room that I plan on selling as well. I will also end up with a microwave, stove, and perhaps a gas dryer up for grabs as well. It's good cuz I can use the money. My new appliances cost $2,000.00. Yikes!

Painting is still going on, although the living room and my bedroom look BEAUTIFUL! I'm so very happy with the color, although I do have an extra can of paint that I did not like in my living room that cost $35.00! Ouch. Perhaps I will use it in the guest room? I dunno. We shall see. It was supposed to be a taupe color and ended up the color of a brown paper bag. Yuk! Kdawg's room is primed and ready to go as well as the living room. It's tedious work cuz there are so many friggin door/window frames to paint in every room and 6 in the hallway alone!! ugh!

Ok, so who's good at colors? I painted my room lavendar, I know it sounds funny but it really looks SO good- nicest room in the house thus far. It looks SO nice with the tan/beige door/window frames. The floors in the bedrooms are hardwood and the living room is going to be rug, and that room is antique white with the same doorframes. Kdawgs room is going to be a light teal color, and now I'm stuck. What color should I paint my spare room? I have that ugly brown paper bag gallon of paint that will do it, LOL! I am putting (albeit temporarily) a futon that is that ugly color with a black frame, and a computer desk thus far. Perhaps a bookshelf, at this point none of them matching! So, someone give me an idea. I thought a soft blue would be nice? Or perhaps a light foresty green color? Then I thought well it connects to the kitchen so I could make it a dining room at some point. Perhaps I could paint it a sunny or pale yellow?

HELP!?

Other than that, life is just rolling along. Kdawg has her FIRST dance tomorrow night. She confessed today that she now has this boyfriend that she's been really good friends with for all of the school year. She has a few friends that are boys and I have no problem with it. Mostly they just hang out in school or do stuff in the neighborhood, but now she's asked if they could exchange rides to and from the dance with this one. Yowzers! So, I told her if his mom called and talked to me I would consider. And that she did.

The dance is put on by the school so I trust she'll be where she says she's going to be. His mom asked if Kdawg wanted to come to their house off the bus and have dinner, and she would drop them off at the dance. We talked for over an hour and I've met her before. She promised they would be supervised and she was talking about a board game with his brother who is 8 and little sister. Right now, at the age she's at, I do trust her. If she was 13 or 14 I'd think she was willing to compromise anything to get away with just a little something she wasnt' supposed to do, as it comes with the age. But she worked very hard with me around the house today and I think she deserves a little slack on the leash. LOL
Someone please explain to me why I have to justify this to myself...

Ahhh, my baby girl is getting older. :(

*cries*

TAKIN' OFF

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Fri, 08 May 2009 02:43:00 +0000

I'm off to CT for the weekend, staying in a cabin, sorta like camping because you have to go above and beyond to find things to fill the empty spaces of time when you're not off gallavanting, when sleeping seems to do the trick MOST of the time, but when there's no t.v. it's just not enough. Yeah, camping. It'll be fun though we have a few interesting things planned. It was a bad weekend to go with all the house stuff going on (painting and such) but I planned this trip when I was closing on May 14th, so I didn't have to worry about this weekend. Then things changed. No biggie.

All the wallpaper is off and the walls have been washed and wet sanded, along with the ceilings. The ceilings and some of the window sills have already been painted because that was *the* only thing chipping. They look so great! Thanks to my father and Godfather or I'd never be where I am as far as the renovations go. It looks like we'll be completing it all just in time to move. *fingers crossed*

Today I went and searched countertops for the third time, this time at a different store. I finally without a doubt found the one I want. It's very attractive, in fact...take a look for yourself here. I'm so excited. My dishwasher is coming tomorrow and the tile flooring will start next week. I'll be taking a few days off from work, as monday was my scheduled back to work date. Countertops will be in in about 2 weeks, the guy came out to measure today. I can't believe it's all coming into place. It gets more and more fun every day!

The only room I haven't picked out a color for yet was the kitchen. I decided against the yellow because the gorgeous cabinets are too close to the "yellow" family- birch. So, I am thinking the only thing I can do to get away from that "family" is to do either blue/gray (not) or a red/rust color. I am leaning toward that...suggestions?

NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE.

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Wed, 06 May 2009 22:21:00 +0000

My last week of school is next week and I turned in my final early. I am proud of myself and I think I'll be maintaining my 4.0 GPA. woowoo! So far, so good.

My landlord is showing the house today and tomorrow. It seems that alot of people want to move out of the city and into the country. He put a sign outside and about 7 people called him in only two days. In fact, a girl I know from High School showed up today to see it and we chatted it up a bit. Last time I saw her and hung out she had no kids, (4 years ago) now she has 2.

I have nothing much more to add. I will have before pics coming soon enough. Be sure to let me know, for those of you who haven't already, via email that you are still reading so I can send you a password once I go PRIIIIVATTE! Yep, and I got so much to share. Hee hee.

This is something to ponder when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable. They are always the ones who end up miserable in the end. That's right, they're only hurting themselves, you'd think they were hurting enough already...if not for anyone else but myself I have learned by observing others that being a positive person makes things in my life more positive in the end. Expect no less than the best and you will get more than what you've asked for in the end. In doing that toward others, you are that much a better person.

(Thanks Arlene)

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

'Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?'

'We're taking Continental,' was the reply. 'We got a great rate!'

'Continental?' exclaimed the hairdresser. ' That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?'

'We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste.'

'Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a
dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly,and they're overpriced.

So, whatcha' doing when you get there?'

'We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.'

'That's rich,' laughed the hairdresser. 'You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.'

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

'It was wonderful,' explained the woman, 'not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!'

'Well,' muttered the hairdresser, 'that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.'

'Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.'

'Oh, really! What'd he say ?'

He said: 'Where'd you get the shitty Hairdo?'

THIS IS WHERE I GLEAM WITH PRIDE

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Fri, 01 May 2009 01:39:00 +0000

I closed on my house today. Yaaaayeee!

*claps hands*

I took a lot of before pics then started ripping down wallpaper. The bathroom (because of moisture I can only assume) came off in huge one piece sheets. The bedrooms and living room is little bitty scraps one at a time. It's crazy. I went to the store and bought spray and tried it, it helped a little but I'm open to suggestions.

Anyhow, I also went and picked out kitchen floor tile that is absolutely fabulous. It's coming in on Monday or Tuesday. I also eyeballed some kitchen appliances that I liked- not sure if I'm going with black or stainless steel...and saw some countertops I liked. Mostly all of these things still work or are in good shape- in fact the entire house is- but it's just outdated. I am excited to get it all done.

I have another potential roommate. This person has lived with me before so I know we will get along great. She's a great friend, too and when I told my daughter about her potentially staying for awhile- she squealed with delight and almost hit the ceiling.

I am scheduled to move towards the last week of the month, but I'm taking things out little by little. Once the wallpaper is peeled we will breeze thru the painting of the ceiling and walls. The WHOLE house is being painted and Kdawg helped me pick out colors, only I took it upon myself to change her color to a lighter more neutral color. Hot pink and black weren't going to cut it, neither was teal blue or lime green or chocolate! LOL I have before pics and will post them next to my after pics when I'm all done...that is, once I go private.

I am excited. This is a huge accomplishment for me. It's bittersweet and I'm doing it all on my own. I am really, really proud of myself. Oh, and I met my neighbor today...yeah, he was very smiley and impressed that I was living on my own- and he was quite hot. But he had a nice shiny gold band ring on his finger. hehehe. At least he has 2 young kids Kdawg can hang out with, I met them, too, playing basketball in the yard.

*smiles* Be happy. I am!

TRYING TO MAKE PROGRESS THRU THE PAIN

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:45:00 +0000

Friday I took a trip to my Dr. because I had laryngitis and a serious sinus infection. She prescribed Biaxin to kill the infection, b/c I am allergic to all the good stuff and I've had Zithromax too many times for it to work properly. By Saturday I wanted to die.

On Monday I went to the ER with some abdominal pain only to be admitted and diagnosed with Acute Pancreatitis. I am not NEARLY a heavy drinker, in fact I haven't had a drink in over a month and when I do drink, albeit socially, it's once in a great while, not accessive.

They determined there are 3 possible reasons I could have gotten Pancreatitis. 1/ a stone could have passed/formed in the duct that connected to my gallbladder- which was removed, leaving only the duct. 2/ Biaxin could've caused it or 3/ certain types of birth control-- which I started just a few months back with Nuvaring (one of the side effects being Pancreatitis).

While I was in the hospital, my roommate decided to inform me he was dying to move in with his gf and was moving in August instead of next jan/feb. This puts a huge damper on my house fixing plans because I had so much time to save money before he moved and now I'll be in a crunch because my budget is cut so I can put some aside for emergency mortgage payments. Yuk!

I was discharged Thursday, the bitch Dr. refused to fill out my paperwork for work but then my Dr.- whom I saw Friday- agreed to do it. It's just been a bunch of headaches, but guess what?

I'm closing THIS WEEK! Yaaaayeee! Be happy for me! I've got such a great kid and I'm grateful to have her with me every single day. Life could only get a tad bit better than this. BRING ON THE DEMOLITION!! Stay tuned for before and after pics! Hopefully I will feel a bit up to things SOON!

I'm still on a liquid diet, which consists of apple juice, water, chicken broth, jello, etc. The only good thing that's come of this is that I am losing weight like a sonofabitch, but other than that, it bites! Every time I try to introduce bland foods, I find myself going overboard and paying for it with pain later- then I end up right back on liquids again. That's also what I read about it on most of the message boards and what not, and that it is mostly reoccuring! This is not the "time off from work" that I'd hoped for.

One last note, months and months ago I talked about going private. Well, I've decided that I have way too much to say that I don't want vindictive jealous bitches reading and for the sake of privacy and my pictures and stories, I'm just gonna go private. LOL.

That being said, please email me at shellibells at yahoo dot com and I will hook you up when the time comes.

Peace, love and hair grease!

ALRIGHT AMERICA

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 02:17:00 +0000

I must be having an emotional night. I started my essay and settled in to watch Idol with Kdawg after karate. Even though I've been whining for the last few weeks with a smirk on my face that she needs to go home, I cried like a baby when they showed the journey of Megan Joy.

HOWEVER...

ER was the kicker. I bawled when Pratt died in the actual episode, nevermind when they were saying goodbye and talking about it during ER Retrospective. And Dr. Cordey? You know the British redhead woman that left years ago? Ugh. When she EVER talked about when Dr. Greene did his last episode in Hawaii, I cannot even tell you. There was so much sobbing going on on my couch that I think I nearly weeped out loud.

Dr. Carter and Clooney are both still hawt! Hubba hubba! Carter in his boyish way, and Clooney is just a sexy man!

And one last thing that stuck with me that Greene told his daughter before she died I must share as I head off to bed to sail into my dreams. TGIF. Be well.

"Be generous, with your time, with your love, with your life." ~ER's Dr. Greene

HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY, MOM

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 02:55:00 +0000

Four-Generation photo: Gramma, Mom, Me and Kdawg

IT'S NO WONDER PEOPLE ARE DYING...

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 02:21:00 +0000

The freakin' speed limit is FORTY-FIVE people...

*eyeroll*

A woman from out of town died on a local highway over the weekend in an area where lanes are blocked off and construction is taking place. They have opened the breakdown lane and closed the fast lane and pushed all the lanes to the right in order to start repaving from the innermost lanes, out- on BOTH sides of the highway. A woman lost control of her Sienna and veered into the "breakdown" lane that people were actually now driving in, only there was a parked car there with a man inside. She was wearing a seatbelt and died as a result of the crash. He is in the hospital.

Today I was telling my daughter the story about the crash and how dangerous "this" strip of road was right now during construction as we were driving thru it. Even after it made news on every station and every nearby newspapers front page, people still think they are invincible. I could hardly do the speed limit (45mph) without getting rear-ended. I am rarely scared when I drive and I was LITERALLY horrified to go any slower than 55 with people/traffic all around me. It was ridiculous, really. People were flying by me veering in and out of lanes around people (mind you they've painted SOLID lines) with not a care in the world of the construction taking place and the danger they could've caused for themselves or others. Do people NOT know what SOLID LINES mean??? Seriously? I mean it's sad enough they have to announce on the radios and newspapers and even the news that you are supposed to STOP and/or pull over and/or slow down for emergency vehicles (ie. ambulance, police, etc). Are you flippin kidding me? Do we really need a drivers education refresher course? Is anyone still taking an actual TEST to get their license anymore.

One of my biggest pet peeves is horrible drivers. Mind you, I am not the SLOWEST driver, and I take ALOT of risks when I'm driving and my daughter is not in the car, but I am not a stupid driver. I know the rules of the road, even though I don't abide by the one about speeding LOL. Hey, I'm paying dearly for that one. Alright, I am not one to talk.

*sigh*

In further news, I called and got my insurance quote yesterday for my homeowners. Oddly enough my insurance agent has a lady that handles homeowners in their office. Well, turns out she is my new neighbor. I find that quite interesting. Heheh!

I also decided since I was now within the 45 day mark of my closing and that I could lock in a finance rate as of Monday, that I wasn't going to fuck with fate and I just locked it in right away. This way I get a good rate- 4.875% fixed for 30 yrs- and I don't have to sweat it out over the next 45 days if this stupid market changes so drastically and goes back up to 5.25% where it started when I first began this adventure. I am happy and I'm not looking back.

Now for your TMI Tuedsay- I haven't stopped- I just take a break every now and again. LOL

1. Have you ever sent or recieved a sext message?
*Yes. Both sent and recieved. Not a big deal, really.

2. Have you ever made or recieved a booty call?
*Yup. Again, both. Mostly it was to an ex tho. I know a few dirty whores who call a different guy every night, sometimes in the same day. They should be ashamed of themselves. Fucking dirty bitches!

3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?
*Nope.

4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?
*Probaby 15? I would say anything that *I* would consider and "experience".

5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?
*10 years both up and down.

Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog?
*The number one reason that I blog is because I have a lot of great readers who come by and give feedback and help out when I ask for it. It's nice to get an opinion from someone who is not in the middle of a situation, kinda like a jury. I appreciate all my readers, even the ones that rarely delurk and post comments. I catch a lot of you by email even though you don't speak up on here. I love ya all, well...almost all of ya. HA! I also blog to scream in excitement and vent to get stuff off my chest. It helps, really...and it's WAY easier than actually writing!

Happy TMI!

MOVIN' ON UP

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 19:37:00 +0000

I have learned in recent years that you cannot help everyone. Even as much as you try to do for them, they are gonna do what the hell they want no matter what. Even when they know you're heart is in the right place they are selfish and just set in their ways. I think I am learning to accept that. I am no longer routing for the underdog either.

I try and do nice things to HELP people. I think I am alot like my father in that way. When I go camping every year, I take one of Kdawg's friends who doesn't necessarily get to do alot, whether it be just because their families DON'T do anything with them, or they're just not well off, but often BOTH. It's over $150.00 to go camping for labor day weekend- it's an entire music festival and the kids always have a blast. Most of the time people really appreciate that, mainly because it gives them time away from their kids, (lol) but in the case of bringing Kels camping 2 years ago- her mom was overly grateful AND thankful. I bring my neighbor's son and a few of Kdawgs other friends to the movies, roller skating, ice skating and alot of the time if I have extra money, I'll pay if I can. Last weekend her and her two friends went to a magic show with us at the Z. They giggled the whole time.

Some people just don't appreciate that. Perhaps it's because they are selfish and never got to do that stuff as a child, or maybe their jealous that they want THAT with their kids (or perhaps AS kids) or moreso that they don't want YOU to have that with THEIR, often because THEY don't. Maybe I'm totally off course here, but I don't get it at all. People instill alot of trust in me with their kids and I've never proved that I deserve any less. I am good to them, they behave with me and I love having kids around and at the same time Kdawg benefits from it- she gets to have fun with her friends and I get to keep an eye out. Her and her friends never mind having "Kdawg's mom" around. Even tho Ape got on my nerves that same year camping (lol) it was fun to have her to laugh with. She was 16 at the time, she has a dirtbag father and a mother who could care less about her and 5 siblings. She was DELIGHTED to go- SO happy. What a great feeling it was for ME for her to come back and talk about how much fun she had.

Tonight a bunch of us (family) are going to see Monsters Vs. Aliens in 3D at the IMAX. We bought the tickets yesterday so they wouldn't sell out and they are assigned seats. I am bringing our neighbor, L along with us. He doesn't get to do much it seems and he is also an only child (12 y/o). His mom, however is the sweetest lady in the world and really would do anything for you. I am doing it because Kdawg enjoys his company and they go rollerblading together, but I also know he will appreciate it and most of all say a simple "thank you" and that will make me feel good. I like kids with manners, but the story does NOT hold true that you learn alot from one's child by watching their parents. Although my daughter is like me in alot of ways as far as her habits go, it's not always the case. I know several people who have the sweetest kids and they are just rotten and miserable people.

In further news, all the paperwork is in on the house and we are moving forward. I am excited about picking out colors, redoing the kitchen, eventually (after move in) also the bathroom, installing a rug and I have all the money saved that I have to use for all the fixing up. I am SO anxious to get shit done over there! I have all my colors picked out (a general idea not actual names of colors) except Kdawg's room
and I am up in the air about my kitchen color. I am not sure if I want to go light or dark. I know I want a berber rug and I know I want stainless steel appliances. It is going to look wonderful and I can't wait to decorate my fireplace for the holidays and have my family over. OH! And I'm having a big July BBQ and everyone is coming! :)

*jumps up and down*

I need to buy new appliances- the ones in the house are from the 60's- ya know the colors back then? Pea green? Well, mine are that mustardy yellow LOL! The dishwasher and some of the pilots on the stove don't work. I have a stove here, but I'm leaving it cuz it's gas here and not there (yet). Depending on my budget and what Nstar rebates, I may be installing gas as well eventually (summertime). It's going to be a rough May, but I'll get thru it and good things are to come in the end. I am so happy to finally be able to call something "my own" and "home"! Kdawg could not be happier as she's already found there are at least 5 of her friends RIGHT in the general neighborhood! That makes me happy. I have a great kid and I just really want her to be happy.

Saturday we are volunteering at the shelter again, and had I mentioned yet that Kdawg is back in karate? Yeah, wicked pissah! She started last week and the new Sensei let her keep her advanced Greenbelt rank. Lots of things going on in the house these days but they're all positive things! :)

And Saturday night I'm out on the town to Newport, haven't been there in awhile and I know I always have fun going out with Alicia so NO worries there!

Happy Friday!!

I SURVIVED ST. LOUIS

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 00:31:00 +0000

St. Louis was probably one of my favorite vacations ever withOUT kids! :) St. Louis doesn't have coffee syrup to go in their milk and they've never even heard of linguica. They are absolutely fascinated by the Boston area accent and it just made our 4 day weekend all that much more fun! It actually made me feel like a sort of celebrity to all Mandy's friends. The parade was great, Hooters was fun and we went up in the #8 time capsule *wink* to the top of the Arch- which was a smashin' good time! LOL!

I had so much fun and am already planning a trip back sometime this year for the party bus, which happens on Halloween and Mandy's bday and sometimes on St. Patty's Day- not this year. Unfortunately it won't be in June for StL Mandy's and Kdawgs bday (a day after one another) as intended because *drumroll* that is our tentative move-in weekend.

I am 53 days away from being the proud owner of my own home. Yup, all by myself I have managed to keep my financial status in order enough to buy my own home. When I lay in bed at night and really start to put the pieces of my life today together with this house and all, it has made me not only proud of my accomplishments but also a little bitter sweet. I think of what my ex the terd gave away, and how even though parts of our life were miserable together, parts of our time together the most memorable I've ever had on this journey called life. Oh, how that hurts.

I know I'm stronger because of all of it, even going back him OR to Kdawg's father before him...however I feel sometimes a bit beat down. I feel like now that I have everything I've worked so hard for there is only one thing missing- and that's a good man to share it all with. Although I KNOW my ex the terd is not the one nor do I WANT him to be the one to share that in any way shape or form, the whole thing still makes me think about how happy I was coming home every day to a housefull of people/kids (his and/or my own) and cooking dinner and all the things we hate so much at the end of the day. There's still something about that comfort that I miss.

But imma go at it alone and I'm gonna suck in every minute of it. I know with any luck someday I'll be complaining about my significant other in the same ways I used to gripe about not having a break from everyday life when there was always someone waiting for me at home. Until then I am enjoying being able to pack up and go wherever I want at any time without having to answer to anyone, laying on the couch with a good book and a cup of tea with dead silence in the room, even if I still have to cut my own lawn and take out the garbage.

BY THE TIME I GOT HOME TO PASTE THIS FROM MY EMAIL, I HAD GOTTEN MY ANSWER...

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 01:32:00 +0000

Things are going well. I put a bid in yesterday on another house in this general vicinity and am waiting on an answer. I didn't come down too much from their asking price because of a potential other bid, instead I decided to max out (well, it was still 13k less and the price had just been reduced by 10k a week ago) at what I knew I could pay...and let the Gods decide. We shall see.

THEY SAID YES!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

*jumps up and down*
*collects self*

Friday I leave for St. Louis. *now i have ALL the more reason to 'celebrate'.* I have not been having much luck with my ITouch. I cannot get it to work anywhere. I am not even sure the internet works in my house. The music is all I've really used it for, but I have twitter and facebook and so on that I just cannot seem to mingle with. I use my phone most often but it's tiny! : ( I am not sure if there is a setting I am missing or if it's JUST the internet connection. I'll bring it with me anyway, but it would've been nice to tweet from my trip, and check email and stuff, ya know....mess around when I don't feel like killing my phone.

Kdawg is all packed for her weekend at Gramma's. I am not packed but I pretty much have all my stuff together, have to locate my luggage and put it all together. I made a list, cuz I suck and I will get on the plane and realize SHIT i forgot something, and normally it'll be something WAY important, like my camera- and I'll hate myself.

I have to be up before 3am Friday morning. I am flying out of the New Hampshire aiport which is 2 hours away and my flight is at 7am. :( I will have to leave my house before 330! wah! I am going to be a hurtin' unit. And Monday night I land at 10pm and have to drive the 2 hours home. Ugh! AND work tuesday Morning!!!

Manda has already decided since I will be meeting just about every friend she has this time around now cuz we're all meeting at the St. Louis parade, that she's going to take full advantage of making fun of my Bawstin accent. Great! I guess I better start practicin' my caah paakin. : )

TMI Tuesday
1. Are you pro-marriage? Why or why not?
*Pro marriage? I think if you feel like you are in love and want to get married-
go for it!

2. Have you ever invented or thought you invented a sexual position?
*No but I've definately tried a few and said to myself...'people actually do this?' and then pictured what I'd look like had I been watching myself from the ceiling! Yikes!

3. Do you like to be tied up? Always or sometimes?
*Hmm, never been tied up...can't say I haven't thought about it. ; 0) But I think if someone tickled my feet I would just die right there from lack of oxygen. *shivers*

4. Do you consider online cybering adultery?
* I think adultery would depend on the extend, but it's definately "cheatnig" your significant other out of your time, your emotion and definately scattering your attention to someone who hasn't earned it like your spouse has/does.

I will add that there is NO excuse for cheating. I think it's disgusting and humiliating to not only the other person but also yourself and your "other" lover. Cheating isn't necessarily sleeping together. I just think it's sad all around and I don't know how people don't feel disgusted with themselves. They need cheater
rehab cuz as far as I'm concerned, once, twice, three times a cheater...always a cheater. (being a teenager doesn't count!) Sometimes you just have to grow up! Cheating is selfish and immature and the main reason people cheat without ending their current relationship is because they have security at home (whether financial, emotional, whatever) and they are afraid to lose it. Toughen up!

5. Do you prefer masturbation over real sex?
*wtf? That is obsurd. I can do THAT anytime!!! Sex please and thank you.

6. Do you want sex more times a day than your partner?
*Usually, the guy I'm with- we are about on the same page. I could
do it once a day, but there are those days where I would just prefer
to be left alone, ya know? (hormones) lol

7. Do you get offended when your partner openly flirts with others or are you okay with it?
* Again, there is an boundary...a line you draw. My ex was a huge cheater, but when I walked away in a bar, and someone approached him because of course that's what whores do, they wait til the woman leaves...he'd introduce me when I came back as his girlfriend and bring me into the conversation, put his arm around me, whatever. For all I know he was winking at her behind my back and getting her number. I think if that's your S/O's personality, you deal with it from the beginnning and you "know" already. That's who he/she is. If you cant' deal with it, they change or you leave. Simple.

8. Do you think you are flirty by nature?
* I *LOVE* to flirt. I flirt all day. I don't do it to hurt anyone and I know my boundaries if I am in a relationship or I am flirting with someone else's S/O. I don't cross the line...

ANOTHER GETAWAY

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 01:45:00 +0000

Tomorrow another house viewing bright and early, an hour early even...cuz of stupid daylight savings! Whoever thought of that anyhow? Dumbasses!! I guess I'll feel better about it when I'm almost all the way home from work and it's still bright enough outside to walk the dog! Anyhow, this is the 2nd viewing of this house, and even though it needs some work...it's growing on me. It's a cape, only it's one level- the ceilings are very high so they never made anything more than storage space attic upstairs. 3 bedrooms and a fireplaced living room, a quarter acre of grassy yard and fenced in on 3 sides with stockade. Like I said it will at least need a months worth of work before I would want to move in, however if I kept it as is (cosmetic updates aside) it is in move in condition! And I do like it.

I have been to shitty house viewing after shitty house viewing this week. They look so great from the outside, then when you get in and people are living there, it just throws you all off. All that aside, the basic structures of the houses have been just miserable. Today I saw a house that was lived in by a family with a few teens...the house was TAH-RASHED!!!! I could not believe people LIVE that way. Same last week on another street- although only the teenage son was home, it was just disasterous. His room was a typical video came/pc room freak, wires hanging out of every crevice of his room AND him, and just trash everywhere. I'm sorry, I think sometimes with dust on my hardwood floor floating by and a sink overflowing with dishes my house is a mess. Oh, HELL no!

The offer on the initial (first house I ever viewed) fell thru. The only offer they had ever gotten was $64,000 less than what they were ASKING! What an insult. I offered $34,000 less, it needed some updates- floors, bathroom and such. They came down 9k from where we started on their original price. Phoey. I went up 5k more and walked away leaving the cards in their hands. I don't think the agent was very aggressive and the seller was not very motivated either, it being an estate left to the brothers. We shall see what tomorrow brings. *fingers crossed* Everyone I speak to says, "Oh, house hunting...how exciting!" I am guessing they don't mean the "sunshine and rainbows" exciting that I was picturing. It's stressful and I can't wait for it to be over and me be cozying up worrying about my OWN mortgage payment.

Friday bright and early (4am) I will be on my way to the airport and off to St. Louis to visit my friend Amanda a.k.a. News Chickie (she works for a news station) for a four day St. Patty's Day (you know what that means *waggles eyebrows*) weekend!

She's quite the spitfire, can't ya tell?

(The shirt is actually a shirt from a well-known restaurant near her called 'Peckers'. Quite fitting actually...I'm hoping to wear one on the plane ride home. How do ya think that'll go over in baggage claims?)

Anyhow, she's alot like me, thinking and speaking, and I know that's why we get along so well. 4 days will never be enough time, but if all goes well we're planning Mardi Gras in New Orleans NEXT year together. I figure I gotta take little trips here and there just to keep my sanity. Plus I miss my friends that lived/moved far away and it gives us fun memories together.

Speaking of, Sissy and I are already planning another extravaganza, only we're gonna meet halfway this time for a weekend, and stay in the londonderry NH area and go shopping and to some show/concert or SOMEthing for the night. Can't wait. She'll be here in April for Easter so we're spoiling eachother this spring. With any luck she'll have moved back home in time for fall! Yaayee.

Nonetheless, I'll have plenty of pics to post sooner than not. I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend. For me it's movie & pizza night with Kdawg and we're having a wonderful time. Life is good and I couldn't have asked for a better kid. Even though sometimes I NEED my time away to myself from EVERYONE- not just her...I still cherish every moment and I wouldn't change for the world.

MO' MONEY MO' MONEY NO MONEY

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 15:47:00 +0000

I have to get my car fixed AGAIN. In case you didn't know, when I first got my car I scraped over a high parking curb at Bertucci's and the underneath of my front bumper was cracked and scraped. THEN to top THAT off, coming out of a club one night two guys messin' around leaned on my quarter panel and left a huge dent in it. Fortunately I knew one of the guys and he agreed to pay the $200.00 to get it fixed, so it was $400.00 total out of pocket to get it all done, only I was so STUPID to go to HIS body shop, not mine. Fucker took my car for an extra week and a half JUST for a bumper job because one of his re re worker didn't put some coat on prior (like a primer I assume) to hold the paint on. So they had to DO it over. Now, I scraped some snow and I checked the front end right corner afterwards this weekend. Well, when I did I found paint bubbling up underneath my entire bumper. This guy did a real hack job.

I got an estimate yesterday. Another $374.00 from my body shop. I am going to have it done while I'm on vacation in St. Louis next week and tell my guy if there is any evidence of a SHIT job I want it in writing and I'm billing this other guy. There is NO NEED for this crap. If you can't do your job right, find another. AND HE WAS THE OWNER!

*sigh*

On top of that, my excise tax for my car this year was $347.00 and I need to clean the throw up from my pregnant dog that stained my NEW backseat out- $60.00, on top of the euthenasia (sp) bill for Kobi bear that came in - $85.00 and every time I turn around it seems anther bill is thrown in my face. I am STILL putting money away, which is a surprise within itself, but every time I get some in there, I have to withdraw it for something STUPID like this.

Damnit all to hell it just pisses me right the Eff off!

Happy days are comin' I just know it!

AI spoiler

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 03:25:00 +0000

As much as I love Danny Gokey and Lil' Rounds...

Something about him absolutely inspires me.

What is it? His perseverence? He is humble. His personality? His passion? I'm not sure, but he makes me shiver, smile and want to cry all at once.

TUESDAY WAS YESTERDAY

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 19:15:00 +0000

I used some of my gift cards from Christmas last weekend when I had some time to myself, and I happened to stop by Old Navy. Now, you've all seen the ads haven't you? The new ON commercials where the mannequins are talking to eachother and explain how they are fortunate enough to be able to spin their heads around like the exorcist so they can see their own boom booms? "Cute butt!" etc? Well, those mannequins are in the ON store as soon as you walk in. Apparently they are more fun than your own family, cuz this little girl wanted to go home with them.

Really she was holding the man-nequins hand! lol. I thought it was the cutest thing ever she actually looked up at his face and nodded her head like she was ready to go.

I went to see my BFF in Maine a couple weekends ago. Man, I dunno how she does it, living there when they get about a foot of snow every friggin day. It just never seems to go away. I went just for 2 days, most of which was spent snowmobiling if we weren't drinking if we weren't snowmobiling. Sunday we planned to leave to come home around 2pm so we woke up early to go snowmobiling with Kdawg cuz she'd never been (all saturday night just the adults went out). So we did just that.

Kdawg and I on one sled, Sissy and her daughter on another and Sissy's bf on a third. We followed thru trails and over the lake which seemed like forever. Now of course I'm not from Maine and I've never really been snowmobiling, but 40mph on a snowmobile is kinda fast, or at least Kdawg thought so. And even though the lake is totally frozen over solid, it was eerie to see the ice underneath where the snow had been blown away from the wind in some parts of the lake. Kinda creeped me out and gave me visions of falling thru, kid in tow. Yikes!

Anyhow, we wanted to go up Bald Mtn (i think that's what it's called) but there really aren't any 'groomed' trails for snowmobiles, so it's a free for all, if you dare. Well, it's literally STRAIGHT up. We started along, kids on the back, and I got about half way up and hit a rut with rock sticking out of the snow on either side and leaned into it and we both dumped over. We had had about enough of that so we took a break and rested our bodies.

We took off and went another way down about an hour of trails (fun fun!) until we came to this area where you could see over part of the lake. With the snow, it was just beautiful. (the pic does it NO justice)

After a 5 1/2 hour ride home we were both pooped. I left everything packed and went to bed, and after work the next day (monday) I could not move. I fell onto the toliet my thighs hurt so bad, between tubing all afternoon saturday and snowmobiling all night saturday and all day sunday (literally) my body was beat up! It was so worth it I drove all the way home thinking when I could plan to come back up before the snow is all gone. Luckily they have snow 10 months out of the year so I have plenty of time.

Next week I am off to St. Louis to stay with my friend Manda for a 4-day weekend. St. Louis has a huge St. Patty's day parade and Manda and her hubs (no kids- just a pooch) are big partiers. I am flying out on a friday am and back on the monday night. It's going to be a blast. I'll be sure to take lots of pics, and Manda, like me- is a camera whore! She gets a huge group together and gives them special surprise bags (coozies, beads, glasses, etc.) She's just fabulous and gorgeous and I can't wait to get out there. It will be a nice weekend away.

I am hoping one of these days I can get down to PA to visit my ladies Sue and Charlotte! *sigh* Oh, how I miss them on the 1st anniversary of Sue's big birthday bash in Disney! *pouts* Soon, I promise. Very soon.

I have been quite busy house hunting now, got my pre-approval and have been visiting the insides of various houses in the area, looking for something suitable to settle myself and my daughter in so that I don't have to pay someone ELSE's mortgage anymore. Sounds fun and everyone says it's "so exciting" but I'm just not seeing it, yet. I guess "winning" and settling in will finally be the exciting part! So, as much as I don't keep up with blogging, which I really should start doing, I have to catch you all up and blow up the page all in one post so you all get an idea of what is going on with me. I miss your comments. I'm going to do my bestest I swear.

The new addition to the family (for some of you this is news) has been getting along quite well. She' a wonderful addition and she is just cozy and loveable and fun! She has a lot to learn, being a 'shelter' dog, but she's well on her way. She fetches a stuffed peep...

...however she will not fetch a tennis ball or any other ball. And although she is not fetching in that photo, you cannot get that peep away from her unless you are within 3 feet of her head, so I decided I'd just put it ON her head!

I have microchipped her and the week before I went to Maine I brought her back to the shelter to have her spayed. Sadly, her paperwork came back with some heartbreaking news- she had been carrying a litter of pups (5) that were about to be born and the shelter gave their vet the ok to abort. Of course I called hysterically crying on the phone the following monday to inform them they had no right to do that to my dog as they no longer "owned" her. Shelter dogs, if they come in pregnant, are always aborted unless they are RIGHT about to give birth. Apparently they just didn't take notice nor did I know by the size of her that she was pregnant. I honestly thought she was just in heat. Going thru that was as hard for her as it was for us, she cried all week searching the house day and night, waking up crying and whining all night for a week and a half. It was horrible and I will never forget it.

Kdawg and I are going to a seminar this weekend at the Humane Society, Animal Rescue League in our town and we will be volunteering starting next week a few hours at a time: walking dogs, socializing cats, cleaning out cages, etc. I actually prefer to work with the bully breeds and I am working on that as well - soon...even if just once a week! It's nice to know that you can take a dog out of the "pits" and train them to be wonderful, loving creatures. Rescues are my favorite breed.

TMI:

1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?
*reverse cowgirl

2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?
*hmm, not really. LOL i think it all depends on the person who's performing.

3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?
*i think it's all about the vibes you give. If I'm not in the mood, it's clear. I know if i am, i'm not afraid to make a move.

4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?
***

5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?
*i don't think so. I think you pretty much KNOW!

I LOST IT ALL SO YOU GET THE SHIT THAT'S LEFT

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 03:37:00 +0000

Ok, so I tried to "add gadget" as was suggested to me, and it said I first needed to upgrade, which would perhaps force me to give up my template momentarily, but that blogger would "save" it for me. Well, it did...for about 2 minutes.

I actually didn't TRUST blogger, so i copied it onto a word doc. Well, once I realized all my links were GONE, I tried to go back to my old template (which used BLOGROLLING) and it wouldn't let me, said there were missing ends or some shit. So, if I can't view the old way, I can't get my links. If I can't get my links, I can't repost them, and I STILL cannot seem to access them thru blogrolling.

So this, my friends, THIS- what you see here, is the shit that belongs to me. This crappy looking page with plain ole' nothings. It's bogus I tell you...but with any luck half of you will love me just the same?

Life has been both good and bad to me. I'm taking a stance with almost everything...people, life in general, and I'm making positive changes in myself. I'm paying off debt without making more, I'm getting a pre-approval for a mortgage so I can buy a house and become whole again ON MY OWN this time, not to worry about anyone pulling the rug up from under my feet because I put all my faith and love and trust into them. I go for my pre-approval tomorrow and then I'm taking off to Maine for the weekend on Friday night to see my dearest friend- Sissychong. Remember her? Yeah, I may just have to smuggle her back here a little earlier than expected- yes- she's moving back. Someday.

I miss her dearly and it'll be a fun weekend. I'm also back in school. I could not go to nursing school with a full time day job so I'm up in the air right now as to what I'll get my degree in, but I'm leaning towards criminal justice. There are a lot of fields I can go to other than being a cop- probation, parole, juvie. It sounds like I'll have my work cut out for me anyhow, just in a totally different way. All I can do is try and say I tried, right? Ideally I'd like to take something in the line of teaching, but I can't go into a school environment as part of my coursework because...yup, duh! I have a full time day job which will not allow, even though they are paying for school.

*sigh*

Anyhow, life is what you make of it. I'm not going to just stand by and let it pass. So, I am trying to buy a house and my credit is just perfect. I can only, however afford so much on my own...so this is the best time to buy. Not only are finance rates low, but houses on the market are cheap enough so that I can get something decent and still stay in my home town, and have room to expand my family at some point in the near future, and I have a good down payment from 401k with no penalties. I also am considered a first time home buyer again because it's been 3 years + since I sold my last house. I have a positive outlook and with the stimulus I will be able to get a tax credit of $8k as soon as I sign. Well that will certainly come in handy as I'm moving into my new place.

*smile*

That's all for now. I'm busy this week working on my mid-term paper, with mid-terms next wednesday already I'm halfway thru English Lit- yuk! But the teacher is kewl and it's the last of my general studies courses...then on to the fun stuff, whatever that may be.

Please, if anyone knows or can help with my layout so I can find my links again that would be greatly appreciated. All I can find in my template is the blogrolling code. Damn blogrolling sucks hairy donkey balls!

Peace and love! <3

I'VE BEEN TAGGED

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 15:35:00 +0000

Thanks aLOT SWIRLY!!!

Here are the rules of this meme:

Link to your original tagger(s) and list these rules in your post.
Share seven facts about yourself in the post.
Tag seven people at the end of your post by leaving their names and the links to their blogs.

Let them know they’ve been tagged

Swirly's answers can be found here.

I’m going to tag first:
Jen, Kimmy, Sue OR Charlotte, YSFB, Jana, Brellyk, and Geekwif.

Here’s my list of 7

1. My favorite color is red. Pink runs a close 2nd.

2. I am the biggest sucker for a foreign accent. I love Neela's accent on ER, and her boy toy's, too. You can tell me to go screw in your accent and I'd stand still in awe.

3. If Adam Sandler's in it, I probably own it, less his boxers. Same holds true for Dane Cook.

4. I am a camera whore. I saw the interview last week of the white house photographer. I would give my left foot, ankle and all...to be in his shoe. *snort*

5. Putting my dog down on Friday- just thinking about it all week without losing control, is the hardest thing I've ever had to do-or a close second. I think I'd prefer that it was sudden. And the fact that her spirits are far better since I made the appointment makes it 10x worse. Does that always happen? or seem so?

6. I'm starting school again. Tonight actually. Again- I'm determined. For now.

7. I collect shells and sand, from various beaches. I have a jar in my bathroom containing shells and sand from beaches from Mexico, Caymen, Bahamas, Key West and South Carolina. It's fun.

I got this text from my daughter yesterday after school. She watched the inauguration for an hour and a half on Tuesday- I was not quite as fortunate. We had picture but no volume. It was useless. Anyhow, she felt inspired...it's apparent.

Do you no wat obama wants most of people? .....community service. Do you think that (animal control officer friend) Manny can help me see if i can maybe volenteer at an animal shelter?

I will do anything in my power to make sure this happens, even if I (being over 18) have to volunteer with her.

She later said it gives her a good feeling just to be around animals and help them.

*warm and fuzzy* I have a wonderful, thoughtful, caring and loving kid!

PROLONGING THE INEVITABLE

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 17:10:00 +0000

So, I have decided (and I wanted to say "collectively" but really I have no one to concur with me because it is only my decision) that Kobi will be sent off to the heavens on friday. I get choked up writing about it, but it is best for all. She's just not "living" anymore. She really just exists. She hops along on 3 legs to the door to go out, then back to her bed. She gobbles up her food, then back to her bed. When the door opens and we walk in, she doesn't jump up to greet us anymore. Her tail wags and slaps off the bed profusely and she smiles (anyone that knows Kobi knows that she does actually smile) and she waits for us to walk over to give her love. No more zest, vibrance, love for life. No more running around like a dog should do. There is no reason more to put her thru misery.

We had a visit with the vet on Friday and she's starting with what looks like it will end up an edema which is ultimately not good. She was no longer taking morphine pills, better yet, she wasn't eating anything, so in turn...I could not give her the pills. Not even if I had a rare, red and juicy steak sitting in front of her. The pills put her so out of it she would whine upon exhale. The dr's swore up and down there was no way on 160 mgs of morphine that she could be in any pain, but I hated hearing it all day. Once asleep she just snored her way into the next day and wouldn't move til it was time to eat or go out. Morphine was no longer working.

The vet gave her a Fentinal (sp) patch around her opposite ankle, which slowly pumps pain meds into her body, kinda like a tobacco patch. No more whining, she's like a new dog again, eating and drinking and going outside, but that's it. We lay on the floor with her and snuggle up more, but the inevitably it's time. The patch was $83.00 and has to be put on AT the vet. When I left they made an appointment for 5-6 days out. I asked why. The patch only lasts 5-6 days. That's another $83.00. If I had to do it to keep her alive, that'd be different. I cannot see paying $83.00 a week (not even a week) to keep her pain away UNTIL she dies, as miserable as she is. She hasn't put her leg down since Thanksgiving. Really, even paying the money for HER would be selfish of ME.

She will visit the beach again. I plan to have her creamated. Every time we go on vacation where there is a beach I will bring a part of her with us and sprinkle them there. She won't miss a thing.

TMI TUESDAY

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 03:24:00 +0000

I am having the time of my life. I am very happy today, quite content. I do have worries, and cares...and I'm not perfect, but today...I can honestly say I am taking steps for the better. I am not on any meds (other than prilosec for my hiatal hernia) and I am seeing a Professional Training and Life Coach. I guess you can say she's a therapist in a way, because we work on everything, but not like I have major depression issues, just coping skills and life things. I personally think this is a good thing for everyone. I've learned alot in a little time, about myself and the changes I *can* make, and about others and the changes I cannot make, as much as they are needed. Right now I am learning to recognize the negative actions, people, but mostly *thoughts* in my life and trying to stop them before they start. I need to be more positive. This is a good thing!

I have decided right now I am not going private on my blog. I think whatever I need to say can be said right here. I have nothing to hide. I'll just start letting it all out, not that I never was before...but I never really get TOO personal. Well, today that all changes. I am dating a guy who is totally head over heels for me and he's great in bed, too. I know that's something only a select one (perhaps two) might have REALLY been interested in knowing. Well, now YA KNOW so there's no more wonder. And he means the world to me and is genuine and sincere about it. That is all I have about that right now.

I don't dig jealous people. I think jealousy is the most lethal emotion. Jealousy just shows people how much you truly hate yourself. Read that again- because it couldn't be more true. That's the worst way to be and you can't hide it's uglyness. If you want something, work for it. If you lost something, it's likely you GAVE UP. I fight for what I want and what I have. Nothing was ever GIVEN to me. If I have something, it's because I earned it, worked for it, cherished it or someone cared enough about me to allow me to have it, including a friendship. How can you hate someone else because they're wanted by someone you once wanted that didn't want you? How can you point the finger at and judge someone when you really should be looking in the mirror? I would go to the ends of the earth for my daughter and never ever thought of giving up for one second, yet their are parents (including my own's donor) who just thinks it's not a big deal to leave the burden on someone else. I can't understand how a parent would not want that closeness from their kid. Then don't go blaming your kid later when they don't want that closeness from you! My donor should take note of that.

Hypocrisy makes me sick to. Say one thing is so wrong, but yet you do it or say it yourself in your next breath. How do you chastise someone for something, yet in such similar ways you are no different than they are? I am not innocent of judging people and I am far from perfect, but it makes me sick when one's entire life revolves around dumping on people to make themselves feel worthy of someone or something.

Ok, enough of just two of the few things that bother me. I won't even get into racism. Kobi dog is still kickin', although she is mainly loungin' around high on morphine these days. She's got one more option and I'm pretty close to that route now, a pain patch on her leg. Not sure how long that will last but it's only a matter of time. We've prepared ourselves and I don't think she'll make it to spring like I'd hoped, for one more beach trip. :( I am praying, but it doesn't seem that way. This week she's done minimal eating and I keep having to variate her food for her to eat, and she's now managed to sniff out pills, even capsules, so I'm having a hard time hiding them in anything. It sucks!

I've recently talked to my BF about adopting another dog. There are dogs rescued every day and I'd like to rescue another as I did Kobi dog. I've done some searchin and I have my eyes set on this one:

Her name is Midget (which I hate) and she's a rescue. I've already got an application for adoption in at this shelter and I'm ready. They are still running behavioral tests and getting her up to date on shots and my animal control president/cop friend has been frequently in touch with me on how she's doing and is going to speak to the previous owner tomorrow and let me know what she's got to say about her temperment. I'm hoping since Kobi is very good with other animals and this dog has been around many others, that she will be ok. Time will tell and I will take it from there...I am trying NOT to be negative. I don't look at it as replacing my dog, I think she'll appreciate a friend when she's alone, and this small one may be able to pick some good habits up from Kobi dog, since she's such a good girl.

Now for your TMI.

1. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with your sex life?
*Right now I couldn't be happier. I'd say 10.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?
*I think that's hott, at the right moment. Don't dare do that to me when I'm pissed off!

3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done or said to you?
*I like when someone surprises me- the Vermont Teddy Bear out of nowhere topped the cake recently. I am told I'm beautiful every day.

4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?
*Petco. No, really.

5. How do you liked to be kissed?
*soft and sensually

Bonus (as in optional):Most embarrassing sexual moment?
*I'd say falling off the bed. It was embarassing for about 2 seconds, REALLY- then it was hysterical. Personally I've never had actual noisy gas during sex but I've felt the urge. Luckily I've been able to avoid it, but I can imagine that to be the most embarassing moment for anyone.

Didja play?

IF MY BLOG WENT PRIVATE

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 19:11:00 +0000

...would you want to read? Would you ask for the password so you could read my posts? Do you think they'd get more juicy. Perhaps *everyone* has *somethin* to hide.

Why do you read me?

TMI TUESDAY -NEW YEAR, NEW ME.

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 02:25:00 +0000

I am pms'n big time. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone, (even after a day off from my phone after I smashed it in my car door) I don't even want to see anyone. I have done everything possible to be nice as pie to my daugher. I swapped out phones for her, and she did the garbage, recycling, the dishes AND put away her laundry. What did I do to deserve such an awesome kid?

1. Last week was "The Most Wonderful time of the Year", but what are your favorite 2008 memories?
*our trip to florida, nyc was fun. there are more than i thought.

2. What is the best thing you learned in 2008?
*not to take anything for granted. EVER.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2008?
*7

4. What is your wish for 2009? What is your wish for someone else for 2009?
*I wish for good health for family and friends. So far I've been REALLY grateful all around. I wish for happiness for everyone else, and a baby for my brother and SIL. : )

5. Where was the first place you ever passionately kissed?
*hmm, well...does middle school count? cuz if so, that would be a shed. LOL. In the shed, then outside the shed and back again, for what seemed like hours. Otherwise I'd have to say in a car.

Bonus (as in optional):Do you make New Year's resolutions? What is/are your's for 2009?
My NY resolutions aren't really resolutions. They are more like goals. I would like to be ready to buy a house sometime this year, which doesn't necessarily mean putting money away, just getting rid of lingering bills that I have. I also plan to take better control over my eating habits and health. I think as far as personality traits it's time to work on me and what makes me tick when my clock is a little off. That starts on the 7th, literally.

*I had an unexpected visitor while I was on question 2. He came to see me cuz he couldn't get thru on my phone (the replacement was effed up and nothing was sending or receiving from it) and was worried about me- with my dog being sick and all. I cried for an hour- see, my pms is bad! No really, pms makes me want to throw forks in a crowded elevator and see whose cheek they get stuck in. My dog just made me cry. It is almost time that she is going to tell me goodbye, and how are you ever ready for such a thing? I just am not!

My mother always said, "Laugh now, cry later." Meaning I would be laughing so hard I was hurting inside from the pain of laughter. She'd always say that meant you were going to cry later, for some other reason, and not from laughter either.

Saturday night I cried I was laughing so hard. I mean, it was 430-5am, just home from the train from NYC, and my friend and I were laughing til we weren't breathing, my stomach still hurts. I think I even peed a little. Then after when the tears were dripping down the sides of my face into my ears as I lay on my back next to him, I said what she used to tell me...."Laugh now, cry later."

*sigh*

I LOVE NEW YORK!!

noreply@blogger.com (MeeshellaBella) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:59:00 +0000

Doesn't that look like something from some creepy movie? I took that facing up in the dark in NYC on Saturday, it was kinda misty, a bit of clouds, well...up there anyway. I didn't think it was going to come out quite so nice.

I was rather impressed with the people in NYC, mostly the visitors. The only real confrontation we had was with a local. She was trying to buy a hat or a scarf or something really stupid from a street vendor, and tried to walk around to the other side. All I heard the tall blonde Barbie looking thing say with her Gucci purse was "I'm trying to get over here people, please stop bumping into me." My first instict is what I went with, which was just to say it outloud when she was just about to pass me.

"Get over it lady, you're in New York City."

She replied behind my back, "I know, I live here!"

*blink*

Umm, maybe she should move to the country, ya think? Doh! I really can't stand peopole like that. NYC was sooo busy, we could barely move. It took us all day to get from 42nd Street to Central Park, what would normally take about 20 minutes. (no joke) Of course we stopped at all the cool stores, mostly to peek in the pretty windows and see their displays.

I think our favorite store (and Kdawg would have to agree) was FAO Schwartz. But just look at the people...if you can manage to see them in between stacks and stacks of toys.

What a store. I think we got lost a few times in that store. I could not believe the absolute magnitude of it. It was amazing. And the piano that you jump on to play? Oh, the employees put on a fantastic show with that piano, and they told us they could ship it right to our house if we were interested in buying it. The shipping was free as long as we paid for the piano- $50,000.00. Not too shabby. I'd likely put it in my hallway, that way in a few years when Kdawg decides she's gonna sneak out, She can't get to her room without playing a few key notes to give herself up.

We saw the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular at night, with the Rockette's. It was something my Mom used to take me to every couple years as a kid on a bus trip, just her and I. Something I really cherished and I wanted Kdawg to get that same feeling. Just being in NYC, the big apple, and all the people, the smells (well, most of them) the atmosphere, the people, the street shows. It is always amazing and never dull, especially at Christastime. The hug I got before bed last night was a true telling of the enjoyment we shared. She said, "Thanks for taking me to New York, Mum...it was alot of fun!" and didn't let go.

Our Christmas was fantastic. We spent Christmas Eve with friends, and Christmas Day with family. The day after Christmas Kdawg went to see Disney on Ice while I went to swap out or return the few things I didn't need that either were wrong (wrong cover for K's ipod) or Kdawg got duplicates of (perfume and a boom box). Note to self: it is absolutely fantastic when you are returning gifts to the store the day after Christmas and you have a getaway car parked for you - in the fire lane. I was in and out in a flash and got everything done.

I hope you all enjoyed your holiday, waking up with your families and the joy of a child in your heart. The look on my daughter's face every year, even this year without "Santa" for the first time, was amazing enough for me. I didn't even need presents.

So, tell me...what are you all doing for New Years Eve??